Did you know that it is possible to have and not have? Seems illogical, I know. Maybe you’ve personally experienced this, I know I have. I remember times in my life when I was gifted with many things and people. Yet oddly enough, I was empty. Don’t get me wrong, the things were nice and so were the people. However, the niceness always faded and people at some point would fail me. Stuff brought a sweet temporary fix, whether I had purchased it or someone had gifted it. A sudden rush of emotion accompanied with feeling as though I’m super special because in some way I was acknowledged. Without fail, even the best of gifts couldn’t sustain the initial excitement. Even my first car, a sky blue Honda Civic, had a joy “expiration date”. The excitement of being able to navigate the streets of Albuquerque on my own soon became mundane. Remember when your iPhone 5 captivated your attention. Need I say more?
The same is true of relationships. Though I believe it is better to be together in fellowship with others, we often place unrealistic expectations on family and friends. We think people complete us, yet nothing sets up relationships for failure more than thinking you are made whole by another human. Some will probably think I’m harsh in my belief. I personally find this truth freeing. When I don’t expect others to complete me then I can love them sacrificially no matter how they act or what they say.
Imagine if today, on Christmas, we decided to do a little social gift experiment. Lets say we decided to bury our unrealistic expectations. How would the day be different? If we put to rest the memories of Christmas’ past where sisters and fathers said and did hurtful things, we might greet them in love rather than pain. We might not expect them to be someone they’re not. Now let me be clear here, I am not referring to trusting someone who abuses you. In fact, I’m not referring to trust at all. This is about allowing your expectations and hope to be solidly planted in Jesus Christ rather than poorly placed in people.
So you may be thinking, “that’s nice in theory but how on earth do I actually do that?!” Good question because I don’t believe it’s easy. When someone has fallen short of your meager expectations it’s challenging to shift your attitude. The only way I know how to transition from hurt to healed is being intentional to focus my thoughts on Christ and His Words to me. When I replay the events or the painful conversations like binge watching episodes, I stay hurt and offended.
Lets use an example. Lets say someone was harsh with me and told me I laugh too loud. (disclaimer: I do laugh very loud) I can resurrect every detail of the event, the sights, the words, the tone, then scent and the emotion. I have to invest myself in the old memory almost as if to rehearse it. When I resurrect the old pain of my yesterdays, I recreate new pain today. Once this is in full swing, it’s as if I’m intoxicated. I’m drunk on pain. My toxic focus will rob me of joy if I entertain these thoughts for too long. I must shift my mind and put the brakes on my narrative. I must ask God to help me by renewing my mind. I must plant His word verse by verse and chew it all day long. I have to do my part so that He can have His way in my heart.
You see God is faithful to His Word. He is the author of everything good. If we are willing to truly discipline our minds, He will transform us. He will become the gift that never stops giving. He is the fix that never ends. In every challenge, you will begin to run to Him in excitement to see what His counsel will be. He will grow your character beyond measure and make you a new creation. Pain will still be present, but it will no longer lead your life. Pain will take a back seat, as Christ leads your adventure. Merry Christmas beloved! May you gift others with the love of God.
- Romans 12:2
- Matthew 13:15
- 2 Corinthians 5:17
- Ephesians 4:24
- Colossians 3:1-2
